Don't Stuff it up - Self Management for Busy Lovers

Give me a week, a month or a year, with no distractions, and I'll give you perfect love. But give me a day, where the phone never stops ringing, where the cash flow is not on target and the new product release is coming too soon, and I'll give you the average life of a busy person.

Ambition wins hands down in business. Ambition in relationships kills everything it stands for. Passion in business is called leadership. Passion in relationships lasts a matter of months. Busy people, all too often apply the secrets to their business survival to their relationship and end up complaining "where has all the love gone?"

As the world calls for FASTER. Faster cars, Faster food, Faster Sex, Faster porridge, Faster entertainment, Faster results, Faster Change, Faster families, Faster spirituality (refer The Secret) there is one thing that is going in the opposite direction, resisting the tides of progress, and that is love.

Try faster love, try slipping through a few misdemeanors in your relationship, try forgetting the small, humble, irrelevant, trivial detail in love, and you'll end up in Mexico, Faster Divorces.

Love is Sacred. This is not about the amount of time you spend with someone, or in any way a contradiction to your ambitions in financial or career areas of life, in fact it supports them. Keeping love sacred is more about not forgetting what its really all for. Why work, why be wealthy, why become famous if the cost of it all is the loss of love.

The first key in this, as I wrote in Sacred Love is, learning to differentiate between love and emotion. That way, you will be able to put your expectations, your ambitions, your judgements, your moods, your disappointments, your hopes, your hard work all in context, without sacrificing the real reason you do all that; love.

A few thoughts.

1/ Learn to stop - Stop means do nothing, learn to stop wanting to fix, improve, change, modify, better, help, calm, inspire, give, or anything. Learn to sit with yourself and someone you love and stop. I teach this. The art of doing nothing. I am very good at doing nothing and proud of it.

2/ Learn to think. Most people don't think. They think that they think. They think they are thinking by chasing and reacting and judging. This is good and that is bad. But this is conditioned thinking like a donkey chasing a carrot stuck on the end of a stick that's bolted to it's head. Learn to think. And to do that, you'll need to get a different perspective. I teach that because I have seen too much suffering come from conditioned, I'm right you're wrong thinking, which is not thinking at all. That's monkey mind.

3/ Get content. There's a gap between what you've got and what you want. A big gap if you are anything like me. I grew up ambitious. Self dependent, so the sky is the limit. Sadly, this head-space can cause as huge a disaster as it can cause victory. If you bring this "I wanna" head-space into your relationships, kiss your partner goodbye. I think this skill of contentment with ambition, is the greatest gift we can have. It gives us choices. And isn't that power?

4/ Love is cumulative. If you think being an arse at work, can be compensated by playing with the children as a good guy, then, welcome to the delusion behind 90% of youth issues in the world. Dualistic parents, acting a lie. Nothing affects the child more than the un-lived life of the parent and this is a big problem. A loving person is a loving person whether they are at work or at home or alone. But my experience is that most of the "loving husbands" who come to seminars would jump into bed with a woman at a glance as long as no one knew. So called spirituality to most people means knowing what's healthy, rather than living it.

5/ Don't become exclusive. Narrow religious thinking pre-supposes that finding someone other than your partner attractive is a corruption. Jealous husbands and wives demand that their partner find only them attractive. This is a bad impression. A loving person is a loving person. The person you find attractive will be attractive to others. The person who is attracted to you will be attracted to others. The question, and where religion gets it right, is what to do about it? Feeling something is great, acting on it is the consciousness of an animal. Goats have sex because they can't differentiate between attraction and action. So don't act the goat.....

Hope you enjoyed this. Sacred Love the book is really the first insight into relationships written for busy - ambitious people. The book drives to the heart of what makes the difference between sustainable love and short term emotional panic. It separates the Sheep from the Goats, or better put, the LOVERS from GOATEARD.

With Spirit

Chris